Election Thoughts

The election still seems forever away (and I can hardly believe the time to finally be rid of Bush will come very quickly) but obviously election preparation is already in full swing. Massive fund raisers and debates are occurring left and right before we've even got into the YEAR of the election. I'm guessing it's mostly a result of the fact that this is one of those elections where both candidates will be entirely new and not linked to the previous administration, but it's pretty crazy all the same.

And as I've talked with people on both ends of the political spectrum (as I love to do) I've discovered a whole wealth of interesting (and somewhat crazy opinions)
I had the frustration of talking to a Republican over dinner one night who I knew to be very educated (which was why I was willing to broach the subject of politics in the first place) only to be amazed as instead of giving any reasons for his personal political opinions by citing policy decisions or substantive political action, he fell back upon stereotype after stereotype about Bill and Hillary Clinton. He claimed Hillary would sell the country to China if elected, but would not explain what even made him think that (which, side note, is particularly amusing because as far as I understand things George W. Bush has technically already sold the country to China since he blew the surplus Clinton left and was so desperate to raise some money once he got ridiculously in the red that he sold most of our debt off to China in the form of T-bills) He also stated if Hillary was elected president there would no longer be any Constitution (in a tone as if everyone at the table understood exactly why that would be), but felt no need to back up a radical statement like that with any kind of facts, numbers, or incidents.

I don't believe that any president could ever get rid of the Constitution. A few, like our dear W, can seriously bend it and infringe a bit upon our civil liberties, but if someone were ever to come anywhere near having that as part of their platform, most of the voting electorate (there's always a few nut jobs out there) would NEVER even take them seriously.

Additionally this man compared the Civil War to the one in Iraq, but when I said I believed the difference was that in the Civil War we were fighting for a truly noble cause (among other things)-i.e. the abolition of slavery-and that I believed no one knew WHY we were fighting in Iraq, again he didn't have an answer.
Speaking of not having answers I also couldn't get him to tell me (nor any Republican I've met yet) why if Osama Bin Laden (who has NO link to Iraq) was the one who was responsible for the planes hitting the World Trade Center Towers which started the whole War on Terror in the first place, we were in Iraq and not still going after him, while Bin Laden continues to build up his base and strength again in Afghanistan. I know some people would reply that Al Qaeda is also in Iraq, but a recent U.S. Intelligence report has shown it wasn't there until after we invaded the country. In other words, it was able to form a base and strong presence there as a result of our actions.

He also said the word "liberals" (referring to most of the people he works with) like it was a dirty word.

What's wrong with us if people who are intelligent can't even carry on a conversation about politics without explaining why they feel the way they do or resorting to cheap partisan spite tactics. I'm tired of participating in political discourse where while I use the facts I know to support my side, the other side falls back on stereotypes and generalizations that they can't back up with any statistical evidence or news reports, while they talk about the other side in a disgusted and unbelieving voice. This is cheap, it is paltry, and it is unworthy of a true political debate or discussion.

I understand there are people on both sides who believe what they believe out of ignorance. They don't know much about politics and they've chosen a side to cling to that they back up with their own feelings and paranoia. I used to be like that and so were others I knew. But after we got an education, after we paid attention to the news and learned real facts and statistics about politics, we used those items to back up our new and improved views, whatever they may be. I'm not upset with people whose opinions have nothing to back them up if they are truly ignorant. Heck it's hard to care about politics as messed up as it is. I only hope eventually those people will have the opportunity to learn more and re-examine their beliefs based on what they've learned.

No the thing that gets me are people who have the education, have done the reading, hear the news, and still twist reality to reflect what they want to believe about it. They could easily marshal facts behind them but instead they're lazy and just use generalities and things commonly repeated by partisan parrots like Coulter and O'Reiley and Howard Stern to back up why they believe what they believe.

This needs to stop. Jon Stewart has made this plea before and that's coming from a comedian.

Intelligent people need to engage in intelligent discourse and back up their opinions with evidential material, not anecdotal types. Do you know most of the accusations thrown at Al Gore during his presidential campaign weren't true? He never said he created the internet (he merely said he was responsible for fronting the legislation to create it, which he was) he never claimed credit for Love Canal or that he and his wife were the main characters in "Love Story" (he admitted he was the inspiration for the male lead character, but said a paper had inaccurately claimed his wife was the inspiration as the female lead character. And he was in fact friends with the writer who has collaborated what Al said). Yet people repeat things like this over and over without even considering that it might not be true.
So to everyone out there who likes to talk about politics and has the benefit of an education and the ability to look things up to see if they're true or not, I'd like to make this plea. Elevate our public discourse. Don't parrot lies and false stories. Check your facts. That way we can all carry on a truly educated discussion, and not one based on paranoia and false stories. We have a responsibility as educated Americans to get these things right.

I make this request not as a staunch Republican or Democrat, but as an Independent who believes some issues shouldn't be politicized at all. Admittedly, I have my leanings as do most Independents (and I cannot deny that those tend to be liberal at least economically) At the moment I am a registered Democrat because (although the party has it's own problems) you have to be registered to vote in the primaries and at the moment I trust the Democratic party more than I do the Republican party. But I don't believe this might never change. Bill Clinton did a terrible thing when he had his affair, but I defend his presidency based on the simple facts that during his time in office the number of abortions went down, the number of adoptions went up, violent crime went down, we had the largest surplus we'd ever had, we had excellent diplomatic relations around the world, we did not loose an unacceptable number of troops to any mindless and goalless wars, and the economy was in excellent shape when he left office. I also defend Richard Nixon's presidency, though I admit he was involved in some shady dealings with Vietnam and his re-election, and his character can certainly be questioned (though he at least had the decency to resign when caught), but who it cannot be denied brought about some great things such as the EPA, world wide diplomacy that was unparalleled before his time, and the eventual end to the Vietnam War. I also don't believe in defending a president just because he is the same party as you. I am not a strong Republican but if I was I still would not defend Ronald Reagan, who's unacceptable support of authoritarian dictators who were often just as cruel as those under socialist governments (including putting into power Saddam Hussein because he was so afraid of the Ayatollah Khomeini's Islamic rule;why did Bush never blame Reagan when talking about the horrible danger Saddam had become?), and who's personal paranoia of communism was forced upon the nation and helped spread it farther world wide, gripping hold of people to make them live in fear of countries like Russia, China, and Cuba, and who's Reaganomics it is highly debatable actually improved the economic status of our country. I also think it is unacceptable to defend someone who has had as terrible a presidency as George W. Bush, who by comparison makes Regan look like not so bad a president at least. Under the Bush presidency we have obtained the highest teen pregnancy rate in the world due to abstinence only education, poverty has sky rocketed, civil liberties are being overlooked in the name of hunting down terrorists, several million children (who cannot be responsible for being poor) are without proper health care, the response to Hurricane Katrina was inexcusably slow and a result of a disastrous refusal in the first place to strengthen the levies before it was too late, we have lost the respect of the international community, and we have lost absolutely unacceptable thousands of American and Iraqi troops and Iraqi non combatants in a war with no clear goal or purpose. Party supporters should never defend a clearly bad president just because he is a member of your party. Inexcusable is inexcusable be it Democrat, Republican, or Independent. Extreme abuse of power is not respective of party and it is always wrong. Every politician will always have some character flaw-politics is a dirty game-but there are always boundaries and always limits where the American people should admit behavior is no longer acceptable.

I am an American. As such I believe in the values of diplomacy, that working 40 hours a week or more should make it possible for you to live comfortably, that millions of Americans in poverty is unacceptable, and that war should only be resorted to if necessary and for a good and clear cause. I admire people like John Edwards, Bobby Kennedy, and Barrack Obama, but I also admire people like Colin Powel, and I admire the work Mitt Romney did in Massachusetts when he was governor and before he began to run for president. Heck, I even think the first President Bush didn't do that bad of a job. He had the guts to raise taxes when he knew it was necessary (proving fiscal responsibility is a part of the Republican Party platform that should be respected even if it goes against a campaign promise) and he managed to get in and out of Iraq without getting bogged down in the "quagmire" that a very different Dick Cheney had warned against. Republicans and Democrats should hold their leaders accountable to their party's values and to the citizens they govern. Personal responsibility should apply everywhere to everyone, especially people like George W. Bush who preach it for others but ignore it for themselves and their fellow party members.

The time for partisan spite is over. The time to come together as Americans and agree upon common values has arrived. We need to put aside arguing for arguing's sake and focus on getting things done. We need to ignore the parroted lies of partisan hate mongers like Sean Hannity and focus on what we believe this country is all about and what it should do to give equality to its citizens and to help the world.

I am also a Christian. As such I believe in the values of mercy, helping the poor, true justice regardless of class, and loving our fellow man. I also believe these values transcend my religion and are shared with Muslims, Mormons, Catholics, Hindus, Humanists, and others. The time for exclusion and looking at the world as black and white needs to be done away with. We need to love and heal and help.
I think that's what this country is truly all about. Not power plays and acting like the big kid on the block. Not ignoring the cries of the poor in our own country and across the seas. But kindness and the desire to make the world united and strong.
Jesus commanded us to love everyone, and I plan on doing that as best I can.

Hatred

I've needed to write about this for a long time but I haven't had the courage. I think today's the day though because I can't keep it churning inside me for too much longer.

The subject is hatred, something I've thought long and hard about. There's a lot of different types of hatred I could talk about. The twisted kind that politics brews, the fanatical type that religions like extremist Islam create. But the kind I want to talk about is personal and entirely way too close to home for me. I don't even know if it's right to write this but I have to get it off my chest.

I've only ever hated two people in my life so far. I try to avoid it because ever since I was young I've believed that hatred is a dark feeling that poisons you the longer you carry it around with yourself. I dated a man who I loved very much that was a living testament to this. He carried around a hatred of his father who left him and his ex-fiancee who manipulated him and lied about aborting their child, and I saw personally how it destroyed his life. It had consumed him to the point where it affected the relationships he was in and his ability to be happy. I never wanted that to happen to me.

But twice I've fallen into the abyss of hatred and had to slog my way back out. Both times I was blessed with the foresight of my husband who was able to see it for what it was, make me realize what it was doing to me, and help me through prayer and love to overcome it. But the fact remains that I've given way to this dangerous emotion twice and it was a long hard road to triumph over it both times.

The first man I hated never should have gotten to me in the way he did. It wasn't just what my ex-boyfriend did to me that created these feelings-its usually much easier for me to forgive what people have done to me personally than what they've done to those I love-but my own inability to see what he was doing to me and stand up for myself before it was too late. In hating him I most likely was really hating myself because I had let him do what he did to me and make me feel the way I did. My ex-boyfriend didn't deserve for me to hate him. We were dumb kids when we dated and the mistakes that were made weren't just his fault, they were mine as well. What was done was partially due to inexperience in knowing what to do in a relationship and partially because of my desperate need for validation and habit to submitting to relationships/friendships with people where I became willing to take abuse. Still, 3 years after the relationship had ended and I had just gotten married, I realized that through years of built up resentment I had come to hate a person that didn't even know what he was doing to me at the time.
Luckily I got through that. It took a lot of love from Steve and several earnest prayers to the Lord, but the end result was that I pulled myself out of that dangerous trap and managed to let bygones be bygones as I should. He even apologized to me shortly after we had broken up for how awful our relationship had become, something that he really didn't have to do, but still meant a lot to me that he did. Hating him was silly and unnecessary. I regret that I let it all come to that in the first place.

But the matter of the other man I hated is more serious. I'm not saying it excuses how I felt, but the person involved is far more culpable because he's never shown any sign of guilt for his actions. I wasn't sure I even wanted to tell this story, but for the sake of how long it's weighed on me, I think I have to get it off my chest.
This man and I were very close. He was the husband of a very dear friend. Steve and I spent a lot of time with this couple and loved being with them. Sometimes the man and I even met for lunch-something our spouses were aware of and okay with-when I was in between classes at school. If you had asked me if this man loved his wife, I would have been the person to most loudly and whole-heartedly defend him in that. After all, Steve and I had seen evidence of his affection for her every day. He was constantly displaying his love for her, both in physical ways and by doing things like planning surprises for her. Admittedly they were different in a lot of ways, but we thought they were a perfect couple. You could just always see by how they acted around each other how much they were in love.

Right before Steve and I got married-and I might add that many more happy times were expected between us all once Steve and I became a married couple as well-this man convinced his wife to try and have a child with him. His wife was hesitant at first because she had never been in a hurry to have children. But he was so insistent and she loved him so much that she threw herself completely into the plan. Steve and I even helped them consider baby names.

Shortly after that, a female friend of this man who was pregnant and had nowhere to go turned to him for help. This man convinced his wife, hesitant though she was, to take the friend in until she had given birth.

Can you imagine my shock when reading an e-mail from my friend on my honeymoon, I discovered that this man had cheated on his beloved wife with the pregnant friend who was staying with them? It was something I had never believed possible. A friend of mine had even suspected it, but I had defended this man against her accusations, saying it was impossible that he would ever hurt his wife in such a way, declaring him to be one of the truest and most loyal men I knew.

But that wasn't the worst of it. The worst part was that this man's wife had become pregnant with his child. She found out about the baby right before she found out about the affair, and was so desperate to raise his child with him that she told him she would work through this problem and have his baby if he would leave the friend and try to make their marriage work.

And this man told her no. He left with the other woman to raise her child and not his own, and left his wife pregnant and heartbroken.

So his wife had an abortion. She had no one to raise the baby with and she didn't want to do it without him.

I can't ever blame his wife for what she did. I can't even imagine what her grief was like having to make a decision like that. She told me that right before she went to get the abortion, she called him and offered to make things work one more time and told him what she planned to do if he said no. He turned her down again.

For the next year, possibly more, my husband and I spent our time trying to help, love, and console this man's wife. She became one of my dearest friends. Through her pain the one blessing that came out of it was a solid friendship.

Meanwhile during separation proceedings, this man lied to his lawyer and falsely accused his wife of stealing money from him. He lied to our mutual friends and told them his wife hadn't told him she was going to get the abortion. He said that he'd found out about it only through a credit card statement. Instead of admitting he'd done something terrible to this woman, instead of offering her any kind of apology, let alone the monetary compensation she at least was due for his betrayal, he lied to everyone and ended up getting out of the separation scott free, with no money paid to his ex-wife. He was free to go on and live the life he had chosen with his mistress without any financial repercussions and any sign of regret.

This man has never given any form of an apology to his ex-wife. He has never even acted like he did anything wrong. He has lied about his marriage and done everything he could to save face. I asked him why he did what he did and he told me it just happened. That was it. Having sex with a woman who wasn't his wife was merely an accident.

I had been so close to the two of them. We had shared dreams and plans for things to do together as couples. And then, contrary to everything I thought I knew about this man, he did what I have just described.

I don't know how many tears I've cried over the situation. It hurt me worse than any personal betrayal done to myself ever has. I have bled for his ex-wife and mourned the friendship that was lost because of his decision.

And I have hated him with a passion that scared me.

I am happy to say that again my husband came to my soul's rescue and I was able to work through this dark part of my life as well. I have settled things with God and gotten rid of the horrible feelings I have towards him. I can honestly say now that I wish him well and I hope he has a happy life.

But I can never be comfortable around this man ever again. It's not merely what he did, but the fact that he acted like nothing had happened. He was able to pretend that the grief he caused meant absolutely nothing. He chose to raise a child that wasn't his own, and leave his wife with a child that was. He chose a mistress over his wife. I can never be comfortable around someone like that. It's not merely how horrible the situation was, though that was quite traumatic. But it is the fact that he has never expressed any regret or made any apology to the woman he made everyone believe he so ardently loved before he left her for someone else.

Some may judge me for this decision. They may say I hold a grudge. But I can testify that I have worked through my hatred for him with so many tears and an open heart to the Lord. I don't hate him anymore. I don't wish any evil on him. To be fair to him he has stood by the woman he left his wife for. They are now married and have a child of their own. I know he is a kind person in many respects. He has recently befriended one of my closest friends and his wife, and I know these people think the world of him. As much as all this pains me these are the facts of the matter.

But I can never be comfortable around someone who cannot acknowledge his own wickedness when that wickedness hurts someone he professes to love and who I love dearly. I don't know how I could ever trust him again.

If this is a fault in my character then I confess I am guilty. But that is how I feel.

My friends will tell you I am far too trusting. I have allowed myself to be hurt again and again because I always endeavor to believe the best about people.

But this is one situation where I cannot change how I feel. I have forgiven this man. But it is absolutely impossible for me to ever trust him again, and ever be comfortable around him again.

Judge me how you will.