Nostalgia: What is it good for?

I find myself increasingly frustrated with nostalgia as I get older.

I am particularly susceptible to nostalgia, especially as I age. And why? What good does it do?

Maybe I am just overly cynical today. But I started thinking this yesterday and don't have a satisfactory answer, yet. Because the majority of people I am most nostalgic about, (thankfully there are a few exceptions) I cannot say with any amount of confidence that I am the least bit close to any longer. And these friendships I have tried to maintain as best I can, without bordering on stalker tendencies or overstepping my bounds as a wife, only to have to give them up for lost. At best, I am left at least with casual acquaintances, nothing more.

Not that there is anything wrong with casual acquaintances, either. Normally, I don't object to them. Everyone needs them. They make life pleasant. But when a large majority of those "acquaintances" are people you used to have deep and meaningful friendships with, it seems cheapened, somehow.

And this is hard on me. My heart seems to be such that, once a real bond is formed, I do not want to let that go at any cost. And yet if that is what the other person wants after months or years, what can I do?

I suspect this has something to do with the fact that God created me as an eternal being. Also that he made me relational. In Heaven, I suspect that this will all make much more sense, and that better yet, I will be able to love people exactly as I should, without any of my blasted selfishness and absurdities clogging things up. Someday, I suspect I will be able to do this all right and as intended. I know God didn't make my heart this way by accident.

But in the meantime, it's frustrating. One can't live on happy memories. One can't bask in the glow of reminiscence all day. I can channel the best of it into my writings and my novels, but in the end what am I really left with other than good stories?

Don't get me wrong. I have many wonderful friendships. I am not truly lonely.

But it seems the best way me and the people I know determine to get on in life, is by very formal, structured relationships. Labels, proprieties, etc. all have to be in their proper place. At times this is hard for my impulsive, passionate, and deliberate nature.

So I stumble along as best I can. Better to do that then upset, offend, or bother people, I guess.

I'll keep waiting for "someday" in the meanwhile. Keep writing, try not to let it bother me in the long run, and don't regret. Better to have had for a little while than not at all. I have been blessed in my friendships, whatever their duration.